Sleep deprivation

Sleep deprivation is a funny thing

I've found that when I don't sleep, my hearing gets much sharper. But then all the noises that I now hear are filtered through a much more sleep deprived brain and I find myself getting a little paranoid. It's a bad combination.

I'm on my lunch break (good) eating left over chicken vindaloo with brown basmati rice (good) and listening to 'Praise You' by Fat Boy Slim (gooood) to calm my somewhat edgy nerves.

I took my morning break outside on the front steps of the house and there was something oddly soothing about the blustery wind and misty rain. Plus I was eating the last of the fresh wholewheat oatmeal scones I made on Sunday morning with some yummy strawberry jam. It's all in the small things right?

We have to buy a car this month. Mark started a new job, and while pretty much everything about it is better than his last job, the one proviso on his hire was that we need to buy a car for him to get to job sites. it all sounds a little scary and grown up and used car lots give me the heebeejeebees, but I suppose it's one of those inevitable grown up things.

Seems there have been a lot of those recently, I'm not sure if I'm adjusting quite as well as I thought I was.

You know what's really weird. I just had a massive de ja vous moment. They changed something in the Matrix. oh no.

It's so quiet

It's really quiet at 4am.

Well 4.13 right now to be exact

Before you ask why I'm awake and blogging at 4am, let's just pretend you didn't.

Let's just say, it's really quiet at 4am

I sit at a computer from 9-5 every day, and have done since I started at the Project Funding Office last May. It's strange to think it's been more than a year now, especially with how comfortable it feels, and how much I enjoy my work. I know so many people bemoan the humble desk job (especially the ones that 'pay' like mine in YWAM!!) but i'm (somewhat) proud to say that I really love admin. The numbers, the order, the filing, the databases, all ring of order I don't know anywhere else. So much of my life is made up of crazy extremes and moving from one plan to the next that there is something so appealing about the order that comes with running the perfect donation query so you can sort a list of 6000 people into the exact 1986 person sample you need.

oh and I get to be there to process funds and email people when their fevered prayers for provision for amazing, inspired, life giving projects in every corner of the world come to fruition after a generous donor follows the prompting of the Spirit to give.....those are the best emails and phone calls.

But it's still really quiet at 4am. The clicking of the keyboard seems a lot louder, echoing a little, a little obscene, disturbing the peace.....but it's comforting too.

In the dark, in the quiet, it means that there's still noise somewhere, that those distant corners are waking up, or in the middle of their day and God still works, He never slumbers or sleeps, He is still taking care of his kids, in the noise and in the quiet of 4am too.

And the time it keeps on passing...

So I'm ready to admit that I'm a little bit rubbish about blogging....and I will not repeat my mistake to make any promises about how much I am going to blog now and when these blogs will happen.

But I think today is just one of those days when I just need to write. If noone reads it, it doesn't really matter either, but there's something good about just having it out there, in the nether, in the hope that maybe the wind or the birds will reply...

Things are going well, though I can hardly believe that 2011 is already half gone. And given that my last entry here was in 2010, it's not surprising it feels there's a lot that hasn't been said.

It's been a year of changes and adjustments, and no matter how far into the year we get, it still feels like I'm waiting for the winds of change to come and tell me yet a different story.

In bullet points the last 6 months to bring us up to speed.....

1. We moved house, from our little Parker Street basement, to another basement just off Commercial Drive
2. Mark started a new job, still in joinery, but in a much better situation
3. We have to buy a car (for aforementioned job) which is quite scary and grown up
4. I have been working at Project Funding for nearly 18 months
5. We've been married for nearly 2 years (only 8 more days!!!)
6. I've lived in Canada for 6 years (give or take a few months of YWAM travelling)
7. We are applying for my permanent residence here in Canada
8. I have completed the requirements for my birth doula certification

We've been watching 'House' lately, and there was an episode about blogging, and about how cathartic it can be to be on the internet, connected to the great unseen body of others just like you, that you never meet or that you've known your whole life, but don't really get to talk to.

I wonder......

sometimes i think about starting a new blog, where i can wrap myself in the blanket of anonymity, and spill forth all the dreams and ideas that continue to spin around in my head, but that are just that little bit too new or too personal to really said out loud. To be real enough to put into writing next to my own name.

But for now I'm here, and for now this is what we've got.