So I cried today
My dad messaged me on the computer and told me my dog died. On October 4th. From a night of seizures and subsequent heart failure.
I didn't htink I would cry, but yeah, I did.
It's strange, cuz I know she's not a person or anything, and over the last 18 months I have had to deal with hearing about people I know dying while I've been in Canada and unable to be there with the people that are grieving. It's weird how just being away makes the emotions so different. In my head I can see the empty kichen and living room now and a part of me is glad that I'm not there realising that she isnt' there anymore, but at the same time I'm so sad that even as I write this, noone is even there, cuz I'm here, Alec is in Japan, Mum is in Singapore and Dad is in China, and I can't be with them either.
Sigh
But you knwo what? It's still a good day.
Had a really good one on one today, and I think that helped when Dad told me what happened, cuz really, it may seem heartless, but it gives a good big chunk of perspective, realising why I'm here and that really God's got everythign under control. I can be sad without it being a huge drama.
Though, that is aparently something I have to realise about myself. A development on the old "drama queen" statements that I used to get a lot, yesterday I was described as a "pan full of flour" While some people are pans full of slate, that when a big rock lands in the middle they are disturbed, but not all over the place. However, pans of flour, such as myself, get a rock to the gut and the dust cloud goes up and everythign turns into a gong show for the first day or so until the dust settles. Is this a good hting? a bad thing? or just me? I think for now, either way, here's to a bit of balance, and landing somewhere in between the two.
Jessa has promised htough, in hearing about my late-dog that she will refrain from calling me hill-dawg for at least a day or two. Thanks Jessa.
love and pineapple lumps
Hill